To Feel

[Auriorusiana]

Feeling lucky only because a crippled standard fell
Falling down for the sake of getting up, and getting up for the sake of falling down
Run around and around and around, until it finally all collapses, horrible self crucifixion of entrapment

Feeling like the path you walked saved you, yet every step you take risk death or worse, and it was always like this in this world, but the moment you notice it, is the moment it was all cranked up.

An infinite hall of mirrors of ones own self absolution and oblivion, everyone’s the same way, in different hours of the day.

We all want to be happy but do I only want joy in fear of that woe? Will I only be happy through causing pain?

Maybe it isn’t that binary, but you’re conditioned that scam game of fiery emissaries

You get to the point where you can heal the world, help us all, do it right and flush out your birthright in all its extent, yet in that endless gambit for peace you realize your hand is forced for war.

And it is inevitable, especially soon as the world creaks and aches, all our woe and joy in this world known by Lord and known not by Man who holds the responsibility.

If you know a semblance of your duty, you are now the scapegoat for an issue that most don’t even know is there, the pot calling the kettle black but am I any different for holding my own enlightenment to a higher standard above those who couldn’t as easily or to such peaks ?

We are brought to know, all your friends family loved ones, all your art and career was brought to you and opened up for the sake of leading you through that fiery brush yet, every step harassment echos whether it be self or not, you hardly can get out of bed with the weight of the world on your shoulders in a scenario that arguably should have never been.

To know you were always known but never alone and yet even such peaks of joy in Holy warmth are cracked by every argument of chaos that does not allow peace.

We redefined an entire system by our very births, told our entire lives it’s All our fault and now I arguably can’t even say it wasn’t, it takes two brothers to trap each other. Now every breath I see a tower fall and a temple built, I see a demon turned to dark smoke and it’s energy turned to heal an infant only for another to continue leaching off of He.

More ramblings, could do it for an entire life maybe I’d even own my own island bc of it, but I don’t think I would be happy, god do I need the life to come, but I never can allow the self peace, how do I even deserve peace when someone else just as me came along and died for me when I wasn’t ready to even do the same?