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Greetings all,

This topic is a post on the personal side of myself specifically regarding spiritualness and religion.

I grew up Roman Catholic, as my families background is polish, and religion has a big role in the European life.

Everything seemed fine in the beginning. My family attended church every Sunday and we prayed every night. It wasn't until the age of 13, where I began to question things, especially the subject of faith. I always believed in God, and I felt as if it was helping me each day. But I started to notice things as my life went on. Maybe prayers answered are coincidences? What if I an praying to a non-existent force? If there are so many religions out there with totally different Faith's, how do we know which one is true? Why are we forced to pray? Does it even work?

All of these questions began to ring in my head every day. And my father, who was a devoted and serious catholic, always made things hard for me. He would yell at me, force me to pray, force me to go to church. And the worst of all was that he was always gone, and he never spent time with me or my family. But when he was home for work, all he could talk about was politics or religion. He would especially bring up religion in times of arguments and scare me by saying that if I didnt pray to god, i would be sent to hell.

After all these incidents and things, I began to distance myself from faith and religion itself completely. I wanted nothing to do with religion. If I am completely honest, I felt extreme hate for God and the faith itself. I even interested myself in evil acts and wanted to read things on the "one below".
Another thing that really blew it for me, was that I used to attend private school in middle school. They were all Christian's, and boy were they strict. I was something you can call a "metal head" in the past for the music I listened to, and they would never be accepting, ever!

I could never be myself around anyone at school because of their religion. And I became lonely and forgot who I was.

Now, in the present, many, many, years later I have changed a little. In all of the time between, I called myself an atheist or more of an agnostic. But believe it or not, the thing that made me interested in spirituality once again, was 973 eht namuh.
Once I discovered the site I was immediately interested in solving the puzzle. Although little did i know that instead of solving the site, the site was making me solve myself and who I was in this particular subject of faith.

I started to read about spirituality. I realized the most important thing in this world in universality. Meaning we should all be one no matter the faith. I still believe in faith though.

But here's the dilemma. I want to believe in something again. I want to have that feeling when I am alone I have a divine being to ask for help. I want to believe in it all. But I am worried. Worried of everything that could happen. If I worship God, is it true? Am I actually receiving help? Or is this just a lie?
But if I dont worship God, will I go to hell? Will I be a lost soul in time, while others are in the eternal life of heaven?

It all scares me, as I still have that fear I did as a child as I do now in my entering adulthood.

But this is basically the whole story on why I am on 973 EHT NAMUH. It is my self discovery of a possible faith and trying to solve this entire mystery of life. And that's why I need the help of others here on the Oracle to solve it.

This post is almost an addition to my reply on O.P.A.L's post "views on religion".

I also apologize for this long post and entirety of pretty much my life story, I just wanted to release it all and maybe possibly hear some thoughts or other similar stories from others.


Best of regards,

Sh3rl0ck

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Hello,

Ben's response suggests a Deist or Freemasonic disposition towards theology. The classical gnostic concept of a single supreme deity that is unknowable gives life to people who may rise up to their powers is a quite common escape to former Christians. This concept forms the basis of many faiths, Satanism being a more blatant example, while they lack a proper deity, the notion of Gnosis is extremely important in their faith. Similar ideas to that of Gnosis appear in many eastern faiths as well, such as Buddhism and Hinduism.

I suggest you find a faith more tailored to yourself. I, after going through a similar situation, albeit not as extreme, bounced around through many theologies until I finally settled with one that was for me.

I have many personal disagreements with proselytization by intimidation, so I naturally find the notion that you'll go to hell for what basically comes down to being a human absolutely preposterous.

So, the simple fact is, in order to be at peace with theological concerns, is that you need to find an explanation that fits you and you specifically. Whether its a major world religion, or something obscure and in the minority, it should be something you are comfortable and proud of.

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Good evening BeN1, and Nazheek (depending on the your locations)

Apologies for the late response, as I have been busy with life's constant distractions and problems yet to be taken care of. One of which happens to be this particular subject.

I have actually looked into freemasonry before. I read that they are an organized group of various religions and accept all. The problem is that I don't necessarily have a specific religion, but more of a belief. The misunderstanding here might be that I don't believe in God, which is not true. I most certainly believe in God or at least A God. Even in my times of disbelief, I've always felt a divine connection to the great creator, I always felt this connection to this being I don't know. I was always just against the fact of an organized religion. Although I can't just bash religion itself because it truly does help some people, I just didn't like the fact of people always being forced into believing God, because if we don't we will be hated by the great power, and immediately sent into the fiery fate of hell.

And I absolutely agree with what Nazheek said, having trouble with faith is part of being a human, being sent to hell for that is ludicrous. If God is understanding, he/she/it would certainly know the troubles of being a human an coping with the struggles of faith.

I guess the conclusion here which I have learned from the both Nazheek and BeN1, as well as myself, is that having trouble with faith is a normal progressing journey of life. I am still trying every day.
The real problem is that I just wish I could believe. I am jealous of others who can, because they know who to turn to when they are in a crisis. I am alone, it's all I have, I've learned to live with it, but sometimes it's to much for me.

Like I have mentioned previously, I feel like right now, I have more of a belief than an organized religion. I believe in God, but I have other thoughts on other things as well.


Once again I appreciate the responses, as I really do need these sort of things in my life right now. There are a lot of new beginnings, some of which I don't know if I am prepared for, and I just need that faith.