Control of a soul
Posted: 12 Feb 2021 23:20
I haven't been here for long, but from the trends I can pick up so far I believe that the answer was in us all along, but it is this journey that helps us uncover it. I know I may be wrong- if so, I will correct myself in coming days.
It's hilarious to me that as I go through eht-namuh I both understand more and more but also understand less and less. More questions appear when others are answered. I'm confused on what type of numerology is used, and if it's specific to eht-namuh or if there's resources I can use to study. I tried to research it and was told my Numerology life number was 5, which suspiciously sounds like astrological signs which I believe is a complete bullshit marketing scam to make young teenagers feel "special" (apologies if I've offended somebody.)
I understand that some letters stay in place when the alphabet is turned over, like O and I and x, because when they are flipped they remain the same. It seems there is more of a reason to this. Yet again, the trend continues in my life. I am able to understand how, but not why.
I am able to understand logistics but when it comes time to look deeper I am blocked. I wanted to try Astral Projection, as I believe it is a definite possibility that our souls are different than our body and possible of travel to places unknown, though again I crave to know why. Apparently though, I do not possess the ability to sit still, which what I've read is a vital key. You're supposed to be still and imagine your body moving it without actually doing so. Now, I could sit still, but it was a sensation like my body was made of stone and there was an intense pressure that got worse and worse until I could no longer bear it and I HAD to move. I tried it many times but could not succeed in staying still for more than 10 seconds before succumbing to the primal need to squirm.
It upset me beyond belief, as I believe it's a symbol that I am not able to move beyond a simple society bound person for some reason. Am I so controlled by my impulses that I cannot sit still? My concern was that my body was trapping my soul, or even the possibility that I was wrong about all of this and we simply are nothing more than a ~75 year life span-defined flesh sack.
I fear that if I continue on this path that, while the "rewards" will be great, I might lose interest in my favorite things. Would this change me completely? I value love highest of all, love of a certain person, and maybe this is close minded of me but I would not sacrifice that for anything. It's the fear of choosing. Choice has always scared me. The choice of complete understanding and such, but having to give up what I have now. I pray to whatever listens, or even if it's to myself, that I can have both.
I hope I can organise these thoughts into something other than complete word vomit soon. I hope that having more control over my physical, mental, and spiritual self comes soon. I am not very sure how to achieve it, or what even to practice.
I could keep going, but I guess that's enough for now. Thank you for reading, it means a lot that I am able to express such thoughts to people who have (hopefully) gone through the same or similar experiences, though I know every journey is unique.
-Tyler
It's hilarious to me that as I go through eht-namuh I both understand more and more but also understand less and less. More questions appear when others are answered. I'm confused on what type of numerology is used, and if it's specific to eht-namuh or if there's resources I can use to study. I tried to research it and was told my Numerology life number was 5, which suspiciously sounds like astrological signs which I believe is a complete bullshit marketing scam to make young teenagers feel "special" (apologies if I've offended somebody.)
I understand that some letters stay in place when the alphabet is turned over, like O and I and x, because when they are flipped they remain the same. It seems there is more of a reason to this. Yet again, the trend continues in my life. I am able to understand how, but not why.
I am able to understand logistics but when it comes time to look deeper I am blocked. I wanted to try Astral Projection, as I believe it is a definite possibility that our souls are different than our body and possible of travel to places unknown, though again I crave to know why. Apparently though, I do not possess the ability to sit still, which what I've read is a vital key. You're supposed to be still and imagine your body moving it without actually doing so. Now, I could sit still, but it was a sensation like my body was made of stone and there was an intense pressure that got worse and worse until I could no longer bear it and I HAD to move. I tried it many times but could not succeed in staying still for more than 10 seconds before succumbing to the primal need to squirm.
It upset me beyond belief, as I believe it's a symbol that I am not able to move beyond a simple society bound person for some reason. Am I so controlled by my impulses that I cannot sit still? My concern was that my body was trapping my soul, or even the possibility that I was wrong about all of this and we simply are nothing more than a ~75 year life span-defined flesh sack.
I fear that if I continue on this path that, while the "rewards" will be great, I might lose interest in my favorite things. Would this change me completely? I value love highest of all, love of a certain person, and maybe this is close minded of me but I would not sacrifice that for anything. It's the fear of choosing. Choice has always scared me. The choice of complete understanding and such, but having to give up what I have now. I pray to whatever listens, or even if it's to myself, that I can have both.
I hope I can organise these thoughts into something other than complete word vomit soon. I hope that having more control over my physical, mental, and spiritual self comes soon. I am not very sure how to achieve it, or what even to practice.
I could keep going, but I guess that's enough for now. Thank you for reading, it means a lot that I am able to express such thoughts to people who have (hopefully) gone through the same or similar experiences, though I know every journey is unique.
-Tyler